What An Ass

So, I just dropped the kids at school and am now sitting in the coffee (tea) shop across the street. There's a group of moms here, but I'm not sitting with them. I have my laptop out and I'm actually doing an online course. It's an HTML/XHTML markup language program where the first class is free. So far I don't like it, but, hey, it's free.
    I'm finding the first lesson way too simple and I catch a bit of the conversation at the moms' table—something about "asses". I look over.
    "My ass hasn't looked that way since before the kids."
    "Mine hasn't looked like that for twenty years."
    "My butt has never looked like that!"
    They're talking about the server here who looks to be about twenty-two. They notice that I know what they're discussing.
    "What do you think, Denguy—has your ass ever looked like that?"
Much laughter.
    "Nope. But that's got to be one of the top five best asses in the neighbourhood."
No laughter.
I immediately regret saying that.
"Well—." The women go back to their conversation which turns to the effects child birth has had on their bodies.

It may have been a little inappropriate, but it wasn't as big a faux pas as the one I made last night.
    A woman was mentioning to me that her birthday was coming up and that it was kind of a big one. I instantly think she must be turning forty, but, honestly, she looked older. She's likely turning forty-five.
    "Oh," I say, attempting to sound charming instead of cheeky, "you'll be—what thirty-eight?"
It seemed a safe guess. I went low but not too low.
Seemed.
    "Uh, no. Thirty-five, actually."
    "Well, happy birthday then."